A One-Legged Woman, A Monkey & A Lumberjack

The Penpal gave me the 'heads up' that NPR was featuring a segment about David Lynch and his new project - Inland Empire. (The funniest part about the Wikipedia link to the Inland Empire site, is this: Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow. Yeah. Right! Good try, folks!)

I can't call it a film, because Mr. Lynch has become enamoured of consumer grade digital video, and has forsaken film at this time.


As for Inland Empire, the buzz is that it is LESS narrative than (the brilliant and taxing)Mulholland Drive, and even more like being inside of Mr. Lynch's brain.

Dave says that he has tried to capture a dream. He says that no matter how good your words are, when you tell someone your dream, they just don't experience it in the same way. So his work is to try and capture the vividness, the realness of a dream and to deny any outside forces of structure or narration.

(note to Penpal - how's that for your Unity Statement? -also notice the copy - worlds within worlds -wheels within wheels -tiny alice- ohgoodgod dr mccoy)

And this, from the report, sums up why we both adore David Lynch:

Laura Dern received a call from a new producer on the project -

Producer: David called me this morning - I can't figure out if it's a joke. He said, 'Bring me a one-legged woman, a monkey and a lumberjack by 3:15.'

Laura: I said, Yeah, you're on a David Lynch movie, dude. Sit back and enjoy the ride.

Producer: But what does it MEAN?

Laura: It means that you need to bring him a monkey, a one-legged woman and a lumberjack by 3:15.

In The Dark

I'm in the dark, no hot water & no repairs in sight for about a week!
WHAT A STORM!
And we are predicted to have snow tonight!

The weather is very nasty back home - they are recovering from the worst windstorm in more than a decade, a storm which left more than 1.5 million homes (including my friend, K8, whose note starts this post!) and businesses without power and killing at least six people.

Winds up to 90 mph were reported in parts of Washington during the storm that began Thursday night. Winds in Seattle hit 69 mph.

Power was knocked out at one of the airport's concourses, canceling dozens of flights.

Flights were also canceled at Portland International Airport in Oregon, and Amtrak canceled service between Seattle and Portland because downed trees and mudslides blocked the tracks.

Gas shortages all over the Seattle area forced some people to wait in lines that took as long as two hours to get to the pump.

Holiday Photography Tips - A Public Service

There are lots of rules to follow to create memorable photographs.

Stuff with mystical names like the Rule of Thirds and the Golden Mean.

So, I found this photo on the net, and thought it was a great example in really bad compositional thinking. Don't let this happen to YOUR holiday memories, folks:

As our fine friends at Kodak, point out:

So it's easier than you might guess to focus our eyes on the principal subject only and not see that background at all.

Avoiding mergers is our sixth guideline for better composition.

The Secret Lives of Gingerbread Men

What to do to celebrate the season?

Shop for Christmas trees, drink some hot cider, drive around and look at holiday lights...If you are lucky enough to be in Ohio, you can go to the aforeblogged Christmas Story House...or drive through Wellington to take in the festive display of Nazi gingerbread men...so many choices.

Keith McGuckin was forced to remove his Nazi gingerbread men from the window of a hardware store in Oberlin, but he has found space for them in an empty storefront in nearby Wellington.

The Secret Lives of Gingerbread Men depicts a small gathering at a Nazi rally.

McGuckin said the subject is meant to provoke thought, not offend.

I remember thinking to myself, 'What's the worst thing a gingerbread man can do?' They're just copying things that people have done. There are no hidden messages here.

Last winter, McGuckin used the hardware store window to display a caroler-bashing snowman, a depiction of a suicidal snowman sitting under a hairdryer and a little boy excited about using his chemistry set to create crystal meth .

When It Absolutely, Positiviely Has To Be There...

... seven years later.

Russian Post has started delivering 4.5 tonnes of letters and parcels that were sent from the United States in 1999.

The state-owned postal service said the delay was not its fault - a shipping container with the mail inside has been at a port in Finland for years.

Calling Doktor Schnabel von Rom!

You're Wanted In Wyoming!

I've always harbored the idea that the best Halloween costume of all time would be to go as Doktor Schnabel von Rom, the Plague Doctor.

Now, it looks like I could do just that, as two mountain lions have died in Wyoming - victims of the Bubonic Plague!

In a little more than a year, four area mountain lions have died from the disease and several domestic cats have tested positive, said Ken Mills, a professor of veterinary sciences who diagnosed the cats' disease in his University of Wyoming laboratory.

The mountain lions died at the end of October, but the university just issued a warning to hunters and cat owners on Thursday.

The area affected is a sparsely populated portion of northwest Wyoming that includes little known and infrequwntly visited places like Yellowstone National Park and Jackson.

"It's A Real Rarity" - So I Ate It

Y'know, those Burmese Pythons have been doing me right this year.

In fact, I got so caught up in THAT, that I practically forgot another of my favorite topics from last year...when this little story just drops into my lap...

Rick Lisko hit a deer while driving down his mile-long driveway.

The young buck had nub antlers — and seven legs.

Lisko said it also had both male and female reproductive organs.

It was definitely a freak of nature, Lisko said. I guess it's a real rarity. It kind of gives you the creeps when you look at it.

John Hoffman of Eden Meat Market skinned the deer for Lisko.

And by the way, I did eat it, Lisko said.

It was tasty.

Attaboy.

There Is A Job For Everyone

More dolphin news - this time it is happier, though!

Dolphins at Royal Jidi Ocean World aquarium in Liaoning province, China, got sick after nibbling on plastic from the edge of their pool.

Attempts to use surgical instruments to remove the plastic failed because the dolphins' stomachs contracted in response to the instruments.

So what to do?

Veterinarians decided to ask for help from Bao Xishun, a 7'9" tall herdsman from Inner Mongolia with 41.7-inch arms - the world's tallest living man confirmed last year by the Guinness Book of World Records.

He was brought in and trained to reach into the dolphins' stomachs and remove the offending material.

This is not the first time an ultra-tall man has come to the rescue of dolphins. In 1978, Clifford Ray, a 6'9" basketball star, was asked to do the very same thing.

It's in your job description, man.

Going, Going - Sadly, Gone

An expedition searching for a rare Yangtze River dolphin ended Wednesday without a single sighting and with the team's leader saying one of the world's oldest species was effectively extinct.

The white dolphin known as baiji, shy and nearly blind, dates back some 20 million years.Its disappearance is believed to be the first time in a half-century, since hunting killed off the Caribbean monk seal, that a large aquatic mammal has been driven to extinction.

We have to accept the fact, that the Baiji is functionally extinct. It is a tragedy, a loss not only for China, but for the entire world. We are all incredibly sad. We lost the race, August Pfluger, the Swiss co-leader of the joint Chinese-foreign expedition, said.

Around 400 baiji were believed to be living in the Yangtze in the 1980s. The last full-fledged search, in 1997, yielded 13 confirmed sightings, and a fisherman claimed to have seen a baiji in 2004.
It was an odd sighting, as the baiji had an ivory-billed woodpecker on its back at the time...

Note To Self

Get a clue.

Make Your Own Kind Of Music

Noah Vawter, a graduate student at the M.I.T. Media Lab, has created a device he calls Ambient Addition.

The device consists of two headphones with transparent earpieces, each equipped with a microphone and a speaker. The microphones sample the background noise in the immediate vicinity — wind blowing through the trees, traffic, a cellphone conversation.

Then, through the magic of computer chips, the sounds are processed into music. Percussive sounds like footsteps and coughs are sequenced into a stuttering pattern, and all the noises are tuned so that they fuse into a coherent, slowly changing set of harmonies.

Santa, are you listening?

Snails

So, I've been sitting here thinking about my mom... thinking about holidays and traditions.

It is one of those back in time moments, when I wish that as I am sitting here, writing (similiar to doing homework), my mom would knock on my office (bedroom then) door, and there she would be - holding a plate a freshly baked snails and a steaming cup of coffee.

I'd kill for a plate of snails right now. I truly can't remember when last I had that little treat, but I think that the Penpal was in on them at least once, so it has to have been in the past twenty five years. Easy to say, it has been awhile.

As FaithfulReaders are familiar, my mom liked to make up names for things (a trait I apparently inherited), such as calling French Style Green Beans - spinach. So, here is what snails really are:

You start with a pie crust dough stick (do they still make those?). You roll it out. You generously spread butter over the dough. You generously sprinkle sugar and cinnamon over that. You roll it up and cut it into inch long bite-sized squares, put 'em on a cookie sheet and throw 'em in the oven for a couple of minutes. Ummmmm...warm, flaky cinnamonysugary goodness.

I just know my mom would be cracking up inside whenever she would ask if I wanted snails in front of a new guest and I would get very enthusiastic. What kid loves snails that much? The same kid that just LOVED spinach. Until she was actually served real spinach one day...

Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom Live - The Road Show

I got up this morning and went off to my Starbuck's (I say MY, because FaithfulReaders will recall I WAS the DrinkOfTheWeek) for the last time, then started cleaning my bathroom, which has to be the most dreaded task in human experience.

The team of movers arrived at 9 a.m. - I was amazed and dismayed to discover that the team consisted of TWO guys! Boy, did they have their work cut out for them. One headed immediately to the kitchen, and the other tackled the bedroom, which left the bathroom for me to play in. I kinda set up an office complete with a phone and set to canceling all of my services. I even managed to cancel my dial-up internet service, and if you have ever tried to do this, MAN, they are like pitbulls - they just WON'T let you cancel, but I won this time! I was feeling quite proud of myself!

I then realized that the fellows would be at my place a long time, and I had many errands to run, and I was wasting precious time. I asked them if I was required to be there for this process, and they said no, and also declined my offer to return bearing fast food for them. So I went to the post office and changed my address, went to the bank, took the dealership a copy of some paper they needed for my car, did a little shopping, got lunch, found time for ANOTHER Starbuck's run, and gassed up the car, where I FINALLY noticed a dip in the prices!

When I returned, the guys were sitting down outside smoking, and asked where they could go for lunch. I coulda killed them. Instead, I got BACK in the car, and went to fetch them food and drink.

After their refreshments, they started in loading the truck. I never had the experience of people coming in and completely packing everything - they had the paper, tape, boxes, and incredible back strength. As each room was emptied, I followed behind them, spackling and Swiffering, and then I closed the door for the final time, and headed down to Columbus to spend the night with DJ V.

It was quite dark and rainy in Akron as I was leaving, but soon the skies cleared, and the world was bathed in a hyper-brilliant orange-y sunset glow.

And that is when Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom Live - The Road Show began.

There I was, driving down the highway when a large peregrine falcon/hawk swoops down directly in front of my car and into the median strip, and impales a medium-sized furry mammal! (groundhog? rabbit? capybara?) It was completely amazing. The Savage Beauty Of Nature, as seen on Ohio's interstates.

I arrived safely, and took at peek at DJ V's new golden car. She had been busy setting up her small apartment, and it was absolutely lovely, inviting and romantic. That girl can set a stage almost as well as the Captain can. I brought a bottle of champagne to celebrate our anniversary (90 days - seems much more likely to be like, 3 years, oddly), and Kir Royales were made as we watched an episode of Six Feet Under.

And then DJ V gave me a present, my very own Magdalene, otherwise known as a Garmin GPS! I think it would be really cool if you could get a voice module - I want Eddy from Absolutely Fabulous - "Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie, turn right Now! Oh, bollocks, you bitch troll from hell!" But, I will be very happy with Magdalene's insistent Recalculating!

It was a wonderful, thoughtful gift, as I was SURE I would never find my way around Pittsburgh - what a wacky city of weird streets that is...but the best part was the sentiment:

So you can always find your way back to where you belong - with me

At last, I got to take a shower, and DJ V loaned me her Victoria's Secret pj's.

Sleep was deep, and well-deserved.

Let The Fun Begin!

My how time flies! It was 20 years ago today that Pee Wee's Playhouse debuted! I remember those early Saturday mornings when I lived in The Land Of Chalk Drawings (the world's tiniest apartment)...freshly graduated from college, yet sitting cross-legged on the couch, eating Cap'n Crunch and watching Pee Wee before heading off to work.

Besides the brilliance of Paul Reubens, the show also starred Phil Hartman, Laurence Fishburne, S. Epatha Merkerson, Jimmy Smits, and, my favorite - The Most Beautiful Woman in Puppetland, Lynne Stewart. And the exhausting, wonderful theme song was performed by none other than Cyndi Lauper. And let's not forget the worst SecretWord EVER : Zyzzybalubah! (you had to be there, Friends!) Then there was the Dinosaur Family (who lived in a mouse hole), A Penny Cartoon...AND GIANT UNDERPANTS

(a longtime, sure-fire favorite)!

Not just a show for the tykes, in its entire run, the Playhouse took home 22 Emmy Awards.

Gentlemen, Check Your Engines

I awoke, not terribly inspired, knowing I had just this day to prepare as much as I could for the movers.

I thought it would be special to not move dirty clothes, and so I tackled the laundry first. In my haste, I neglected to check my work shirt pockets before throwing the clothes into the washer and then the dryer...and I was not amused to discover that five shirts were ruined because I stupidly washed my favorite pen, which exploded and leaked all over the things in the dryer! Man, I HATE that!

I got my storage area completely emptied - not that it was a big deal - I stored mostly luggage, my Christmas tree, and many, many empty boxes. I don't really throw boxes away when I purchase something, probably because I have learned that I will be moving somewhere soon, and it makes your life easier to have good boxes for fragile items...

Then it was time to take my car back to the dealership so they could discern why the engine light was on...It took them three hours. The reason was some kind of fume/valve thingy.

I was very happy to get behind the wheel, and not see that amber engine glaring at me!

And, the repair didn't cost me any money - just a chunk of my time, which at this point is very limited, rare and valuable. But I did get to catch up on my tabloid reading - always a bright side!

That's All Folks!

The day began on a bad note what with DJ V heading south to Columbus. It will be several days before we will get to be together, and I am not happy about that fact, but we are being mature and taking care of business.

So, off I went, to face the Mass Leave-Taking...MyAdoringPublic, J-Lo...At least the three of us got to go to lunch, and I picked Champps, because I really love their tortellini Sylvina - ricotta cheese tortellini tossed with sauteed chicken, spinach and basil in a sun-dried tomato cream sauce, served with great garlic bread. It was a lovely day, and we got to enjoy our lunch out on the patio. My generous and kind friends hooked me up with a Starbuck's giftcard and thermos, AND a bottle of Veuve Clicquot...something great must be happening soon, as I'll that chilling in the fridge!

It was very touching that a couple of employees made a special trip on their day off to come in and spend some time with me, and I quickly realized that my day would not be about working, it would be all about sitting around, talking and spending a few final moments with my co-workers. Sounds better than it was - it's really hard parting from so many great folks.

My OpticianFriend arrived in the afternoon, and brought in my new spectacles. She really wanted to take the day off (and ended up doing so) but she made the trip in, just to deliver my glasses to me. What a pal!

Then there was the ubiquitous GoingAwayCake, which benefits the staff much more than the "recipient".

And finally, I turned in my keys, and took my leave.

No more one hour, one-way commutes!

I headed home, packed up a few things, and took the mirrors off of my antique dressers.

Playing Hooky

I decided, under the good influence of Mr. Beauregard Van Horne, to call off from work today, and to enjoy a leisurely day with DJ Volvo.We stayed in bed until 1 in the afternoon, which in itself was a terrific reason for taking the day off. After showers were taken, breakfast was prepared (scrambled eggs, toast, chimichurra rice with Mediterranean cheese style yogurt).

We ran to Target to purchase a shower curtain rod for my new apartment, and went to a few video stores in hopes of picking up a used copy of Inside Man, because DJ V said that Jodi Foster's legs were amazing. Is there any other better reason to see a movie? I think not.

So, we did not find a used copy of the film for sale, and ended up going to the coffeeshop for blogging, and excessive gloating on my part that I have turned DJ V all obsessive over getting cover art for her iTunes songs....

Feel The Love (A Little)

TIME magazine asked readers to check one of the boxes on the magazine's August 28 cover to let the world know how they feel about Hillary Clinton.

4,539 covers were received. Who, these days has time to actually drop something into the mail?

Today, they finished counting up the votes, so here are the results from the Luddites casting paper ballots:

LOVE HER - 2,286
HATE HER - 2,122
NEITHER - 131

But, the TIME.com poll recorded a whopping 110,029 cyber votes!

LOVE HER - 40,821
HATE HER - 39,280
NEITHER - 29,928

Looks like we love those kooky Clintons! Just a little.

Spring Cleaning Is Not Enough Sometimes

Roxanna Jones of Ironton, Missouri was cleaning a house when what to her wondering eyes should appear - a discarded snake skin.

Clever FaithfulReaders will know immediately that this was no ordinary snake skin. This little treasure was twelve feet in length.

Roxanna took the snake skin to a sixth grade teacher, Julie Bales.

After looking at the coloration, the pattern on it and the size, I figure it belonged to a Burmese Python, Bales said (obviously a Faithful Reader herself...).

Here is my favorite quote from the report:

According to an expert at the Missouri Department of Conservation, the snake is not indigenous to the Heartland.

Whew! Thanks for that newsflash, Department of Conservation!

The Final Countdown

This afternoon was the start of the Long Goodbye.

MyFriendJason was the first to leave work today, and for some reason, that parting was to be the most difficult for me...

I got a chance to have one last hotdog from the SmokinHotHotDogGirl, and discovered that she is an accountant at her day job...

And finally, it was my last evening with ZekeNewBuffalo. I will miss our long nightly conversations about everything and nothing. Coworkers like these are few and far between, and very hard to replace...