Four People In Search Of Connections

Sean and I have been discussing how isolated not having a family makes you feel. There is a tremendous difference between not wanting to ask a relation for assistance, and not having any relations at all. The drastic sense of aloneness is very hard to explain, as most people are connected to several people, whether they enjoy those connections or not. Sean wants to locate more connectionless people, and make a documentary, which I have temporarily titled, "No Safe Harbor."

My dear friend K8 in Seattle is also battling with a family question, as she undertakes a project to write a book about the consequences for her of having a daughter give up a child for adoption. She posits, and is correct, that there are no books written about the biological grandparents of adopted children. She feels the loss of her granddaughter as deeply, if not more, than her daughter, as her daughter at least had financial and other reasons for making the choice. K8 is struggling with what her role could be in her biological yet un-legal relationship with her granddaughter.

All of these thoughts gathered together for me when it was brought to my attention that my dearest friend of all learned some devastating news regarding her family. For 22 years, her family had symbolized for me that goodness and normalcy were actually possible in this world, as my own experience has been one of transience and temporality. For me, all connections as tenuous and fleeting. To be raised with your original mother and father, and to have four grandparents all of your life, to have that tight circle of connections...these were very foreign concepts to me. And in a day, her foundations were rocked, too, and she questioned the veracity of her life.

In a way, I guess I prefer my being raised by wolves...it prepares one cynically to expect ever constant change . But deep down inside, I know I long for an afternoon of shopping with my mom and grandma, and coming home and preparing a meal for everyone - aunts and uncles included.

Those were halcyon days, indeed.