Sunday, December 04, 2005

Your Holiday Gift Guide - A Public Sevice

With the holiday season approaching, I thought I'd help all of you Faithful Readers out with some important tips when you go out amongst the masses gathering your loved one's gifts.

As everyone knows, the alpenhorn tops just about everyone's list. But here are some tips taken from the TIPS FOR BUYING AN ALPENHORN webpage (yes, it's real) to help you choose the right alpenhorn for your loved one - it's almost as complicated as the adoption form at the ASPCA...

Seven Test Questions for the Purchase

1. Am I in contact with a group of Alphornplayers; did I look round and make inquiries about the Alphorn there? If not one should make up for that without fail. There is no better source for information than a group of Alphornplayers with practical experience. I can also recommend to get practical experience at a yodelers' festival. Furthermore a yodelers' club surely will be a help for all these questions. (This should not be a problem, as there are so many yodeler's clubs to choose from in the Greater Cleveland area...nyro4797)
2. Have I already played the Alphorn?
3. Do I want the Alphorn for decorating my home or do I want to begin a new hobby? (I think I saw that on Queer Eye...alphorn decor...nyro4797)
4. Are my teeth in order so that I shall succeed and enjoy the new hobby?
5. Is there a place where I can work daily without being disturbed?
6. Am I motivated enough for this daily working?
7. May I loan an Alphorn from the group where I am in contact?

I see some missed marketing opportunities with local dentists. Who knew? Good dental hygience and alphorn playing go hand in hand.

PLUS, you must have very special natural gifts (besides the good teeth) to be a player. These include:

The lips of the player
The teeth of the player
The embouchure of the player
The technique of breathing of the player
The physical condition
The ability of concentration
The level of the training
The musical talent
The experience

I bring this up because I am petitioning for embouchure to be the word of the day, or Pee-Wee's secret word from Conky. It means the shaping of the lips to the mouthpiece of a wind insturment. I tell ya, they have words for everything.

Now, use the word of the day in the sentence, happy INFORMED shopping, and... RICOLA!~

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ah, ye of little faith. Count on the Amish to provide BOTH Alpine horns AND Yodeling right in your very own Ohio.

All that PLUS a rock throwing contest.

Life is good, no?

http://www.oacountry.com/ohio-swiss-festival.html

By the way, I'd like to see this. Really.

L.