On The Roads

The morning routine - waking, walking to the downtown Starbuck's, walking DJ V to work...

Taurus' are very fond of their habits.

I had not yet secured a place for us to stay on the upcoming trip to Chicago, so I booked a lovely little suite in a lovely little hotel - the big selling feature was that it is across the street from Starbuck's. Pathetic, but true.

DJ V had to take a drive out to Paineseville this morning and there was just enough time for me to call shotgun and ride along before I had to head off to work. I'd never been to Painesville, and though we were there but a short time, the town has a lovely little square - it looks like the quinessential Ohio town.

DJ V had a meeting down south and took off, but called me with a cryptic message just as I got to work:

Can we buy a Harley?

Eating Outdoors, Interrupted By Inconvenient Periods Of Work

So there I was, sitting at home, minding my own business and taking care of said business when my phone rings. It is DJ V. (Surprising, I know.)

Have you been outside yet? It’s beautiful! Why aren’t we eating outside?

Well, I obviously had no good answer for that, so I jumped in the SexyCorolla and drove on up to take DJ V to lunch. In my haste, I left without folding money or change, so that meant it was going to be difficult to park once I got to town. The good thing about being such a frequent visitor by now is that I am good friends with the parking lot guy, and he let me park after I promised to return in five minutes with money borrowed from the folding money-rich DJ V. Yes, he actually trusted me. As did DJ V.

So, off we went to eat outside. I thought that Seattle salad needed to be revisited, and it was still great (once I actually got it, as they tried to pass off some concoction with mandarin oranges on me). And then I was off to work.

DJ V came to see me for dinner, and we walked down to the bookstore and had my new favorite
obsession, the Classic Javanilla Shake (bittersweet chocolate and espresso blended with real ice cream and advertised as the World's Best Coffee Milkshake, which is why I had to try it - they are right) which is from Seattle's Best Coffee (it's not, Starbuck's is) but it made a nice circle of Seattle dining today. We enjoyed our beverages outdoors and had a really good conversation about real things.

DJ V went home to do chores (laundry) and I returned to work.

Let me tell you, nothing beats coming home at 3 in the morning to find someone there waiting for you on the couch, and a beautiful note to boot…

On The Shelf Life Of Sharks

Summertime! Move over, Burmese Pythons - it’s Shark Season!

The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living, 1991, the infamous Damien Hirst work of an eighteen foot long tiger shark in formaldehyde, was commissioned by the British collector Charles Saatchi from Mr. Hirst for £50,000 (now about $91,000) and was subsequently sold to Steve Cohen in 2004 for a reported $11.85 million. That is some return on investment.

Now, fourteen years later, the shark's skin is showing signs of wear and tear and Hirst is in negotiations to replace it. The shark has changed shape, and the solution surrounding it has become murky - as are the ethics.

Larry Gagosian, the gallery owner who brokered the 2004 deal, said:

The shark is a conceptual piece and to substitute a shark of equal size and appearance, in my opinion does not alter the piece.

If it is a different shark, shouldn’t the name of the piece be different?
Is ANY fur-lined teacup, THE fur-lined teacup? And, what kind of fur does it have to be?
Can ANY urinal be signed R. Mutt and be the same as the first one?
Can everything be mass-produced and marketed as an original?

So many questions. Give me some answers.

When Your Words Come Back To Haunt You…

Another in my strange series of eerie moments - DJ V is talking to me, and my very own patented thought comes right out of her mouth -

You should at least be making your age. (regarding salaries)

It was like some bizarre reverse ventriloquist thing. Next thing you know, she will be just saying my thoughts.
I feel so bad for her.

Our Second Anniversary

Two years ago today MyAdoringPublic and I were promoted at our jobs. This year we invited Beauregard Van Horne to join us, as he was instrumental in aiding and abetting our joint careers. He upped the ante by offering to take US out to celebrate.

And what ensued will go down as one of the very best afternoons of my whole life.

We arrived at Pier W at 11:30 am. BVH was already at the bar, looking suave and handsome in a lovely blue shirt and red tie. He looked, dare I say it, very SENATORIAL.

The Pier has recently been renovated, and it is suspended out over the water beside a gorgeous, craggy cliff. The restaurant has wrap-around floor-to-ceiling windows, allowing endless views of the lake and downtown Cleveland. It was gorgeous and elegant.

BVH and I feasted on filet mignon ina red wine sauce, braised spinach and hearth-roasted Yukon Gold potaotoes, while MAP chose the scallops, which were served with Yukon Gold mashed potatoes sculpted into the form of a swan. To accompany our meal, BVH ordered up two bottles of Veuve Clicquot champagne.

Following this extravagance, we segue to the bar for cocktails - martinis for BVH and Booker’s bourbon for me. MAP was the designated driver and opted for coffee. I have never drank that much in my life, but it sure was good, and we thought we were very, very funny by this time. While we were at the bar, in a great moment of serendipity, NewGuy, one of our co-workers, comes into the restaurant with his daughter - turns out it is his birthday. We swore him to secrecy, in the hopes that tales of his inebriated managers won’t get back to the gang…

We finally dragged ourselves out, byt his time late in the afternoon, and walked out onto the pier itself and drank in the breeze and view, and it was a lovely afternoon to reconnect, reaffirm bonds and to appreciate all of the hours we have spent together.

MAP drove me back to her place to get my car, and I saw a Dunkin’ Donuts, and made her drive thru for a super-sized coffee if I had any hopes of operating a motor vehicle. And since we were there and all, we had to get a couple of sugar donuts. So very wrong after our exquisite meal, yet so very right.

And since I was in the neighborhood and all, I stopped by DJ V’s office to say “Hi” and to frighten her that I was actually out driving in this condition.

After work, DJ V came down (I had sobered up by then) and we ordered up a pizza and attempted to watch a movie. I quickly lost interest in the movie, and then a well-timed thunderstorm added a lovely ambiance...

Happy BD, BC !

Here’s to you, you Canon Rebel. Shoot up a great day!

My Saturday in the City

I woke up, so happy it was my Saturday morning - and got to walk to Starbuck’s, one of my very favorite ways to start to the day. Living within walking distance of Starbuck’s is definitely a priority for me. Good thing that they are ubiquitous.

Anyway, I brought DJ V a caramel macchiato as a souvenir of my adventure, and walked her to work. For lunch, we walked up to the House of Blues and met Hollywood Stafford for lunch! It had been a very long time since ol’ Hollywood and I got together, and it was great to visit with him, as well as introducing him to DJ V. To ensure future visits, I brought a couple of CD’s with me to loan to him - clever, huh? Speaking of music, I was bragging to Hollywood about DJ V’s amazing ability to hook me up with any ridiculous, obscure tune I could think of (except Cher’s Do You Believe In Magic from 1967 - no luck - YET), and that she was able to get the long-sought Melissa Etheridge / Joss Stone Piece of My Heart from the 2005 Grammy Awards. So Hollywood threw her a challenge, a tune he has been searching for to no avail.

Hollywood spotted HuggyBear walking by - a dude wearing a bright purple zoot suit. I am digging this hanging out downtown thing. Something new and exciting every day…

So we finish our lunch and go back to DJ V’s office, and within ten minutes, she has burned a copy of Hollywood’s tune, and I was downloading iTunes songs all afternoon - including an Alan Paul/Janis Siegel duet, and really working this high-speed internet service, I grabbed a bunch of Studio 360 shows as I got hooked on listening to spoken word performances on the iPod.

I took DJ V out to Coventry after work, and we went to the new and improved Big Fun store and dropped some quid on toys. I added two more action figures to my collection - I now own Houdini (complete with chair, straitjacket and shackles), who sits on the bookcase amidst my magic texts, and Edgar Allan Poe. Edgar is all goth black and white, with a removable raven that sits on his shoulder. So I have been thinking that I could never take Oscar Wilde with his weapon (wit), nor Houdini (magic), but I just may be able to hold my own with Edgar. His special weapon is: Morbid Rumination. How much do I love THAT?

Edgar now stands guard on the bookshelf in front of Matthew Pearl’s Poe Shadow. Oscar is still on my desk, challenging me every day to match his wit…

I had heard from ScubaSteve that City Buddha had opened up on Coventry and I really wanted to see what it was all about. DJ V pointed out that she had seen it down the street, so off we went. It is a wonderful place, playing great tunes and filled with wonderful art. I picked up a vintage Japanese poster for BC's birthday. They also had a giant bed/couch/party pit thing that we decided would make a great piece of furniture for the living room for TV viewing.

It was nearly impossible to refrain from saying ThatWhichShallNotBeSaid while we were shopping. Strangely overpowering forces at foot...as a review of the store says:

You get the eerie feeling at City Buddha that the thing you've found has been looking for you, too.

Indeed.

When we left, it looked like the sky was going to start crying for sure, which threw a wrench into my plans to take DJ V to Little Italy for dinner. As well as meaning our meal would most certainly be taken indoors. We decided to run into the Winking Lizard. Turns out it is Wing Night, and that made DJ V very happy. Turns out they also have Hoegaarden on tap, and that made me very happy.

As we were heading home, it occurred to me that we were very near the oldest extant street in Cleveland, Hessler Court, and so I took a wee detour unbeknownst to DJ V. As I turned onto the street, and stopped, I told her to roll down the window and to look at the pavement. She was actually impressed at the wooden blocks, proving that there is a little geeky nerd in everyone.

It’s A Snake Of A Different Color!

There’s only one of them and he’s it. Or maybe not

Researchers scouring swamps in the heart of Borneo have discovered a venomous species of snake that can change its skin color, much the same way that a chameleon can.

Scientists have seen this ability rarely with snakes and “have not yet understood” this phenomenon.

I put the reddish-brown snake in a dark bucket, said Mark Auliya, a reptile expert. When I retrieved it a few minutes later, it was almost entirely white. The discovery of the chameleon snake exposes one of nature's best-kept secrets. Its ability to change color has kept it hidden from science until now.

Not to mention that it might also be a master of disguise and misdirection.

But if this snake (the Kapuas Mud Snake or Enhydris gyii) is so clever, how can turning white while in a dark bucket HIDE it?

That seems like pretty inept camouflage to me…

Is It Hot In Here?

I had to leave for work at some unGodly, ridiculous hour, and Starbuck’s wasn’t even open yet, so I was forced to drive thru the local McDonald’s. While I was waiting, I noticed the license plate of the truck in front of me - the first three letters? DJV. Certainly an auspicious way to start the day.

So, work goes well, until 10 minutes before we are to open the door to the public, and the fire alarm goes off, and MyFriendJason and I evacuate our staff. Construction was under way across the road, and I had decided that the reason for the alarm was that they had cut the alarm line or something. I walked around our building and saw no signs of smoke or flames, and nothing untoward going on at our neighbors. So, I decided to throw caution to the wind and to go back into the building and call the fire department. But just then two giant ladder trucks showed up, laden with many hunky firemen. As MyFriendJason remarked, some stereotypes are, in fact, true.

Turns out that we had some faulty sensor in the ductwork, or so they say. The remainder of my workday was consumed with repairmen and firemen, which, now that I think about it, is the making of a great Penthouse letter…

To celebrate the fact that I was not burned to a crisp, DJ V and I had a real date - dinner and a movie.

We dined at the Park City Diner (penne pasta with broccoli and chicken in a sundried tomato cream sauce for me, and the Knife and Fork Chili Dog - for DJ V) and then we went to see The Lake House.

Here is my review:

Sandra Bullock had a KILLER haircut (and car).

No really, it was a very intriguing movie, one that makes you think and analyze things. Fate and time and timing. Kinda deep. And a great soundtrack (although I have discovered that most of the vocal tracks are not to be found on the soundtrack CD - it is mostly the Rachel Portman score). And though I truly enjoyed the film, it felt that we had been watching this movie for about three days. Again, not necessarily a bad thing, mind you, looking at Sandra and all…

By the way, I still LOVE Valley View Cinema - great highback, reclining stadium seats, and the ingenious DJ V realized that the armrest between the seats could be raised out of the way, making it more of a loveseat-type situation.

So, we stay for the credits, both of us wanting to see the musical credits, and in particular, the “theme” song (This Never Happened Before)…and when the performer’s name scrolled up, both of us screamed a little in disbelief that we had kinda LIKED the song, and hadn’t recognized the singer - it was PAUL McCARTNEY. That made us want to claw our eyes out and we had to exit immediately.

We went back to DJ V’s place and decided to go out for drinks. I had no idea that walking through downtown Cleveland fairly late in evening is an opportunity for a wildlife safari. We saw yet another really creepy, big flying bug, AND, a fairly large sized rat that ran right in front of us and into the park. What fun!

So we get to the bar, where DJ V had previously done a reconnaissance mission and acertained that they had Knob Creek. DJ V had a couple of appletinis, and we were entertained with the antics of Will and Joy, a kind of African-American Will and Grace.

We stumbled back to DJ V’s place where I treated her to a massage, because she deserves my Personal Best.

Paradigm Shift

DJ V was away for the weekend, and returned in time to meet me for brunch at First Watch, where they have a great oatmeal breakfast. I know, I know. But it is all about the presentation, People. They serve it on a platter, with a small dish of sliced bananas, a dish of brown sugar, a pitcher of cream, a buttered English muffin, and the bowl of hot, wonderful oatmeal.

AND, they leave a carafe of coffee on the table.

I love that place…

After work, DJ V came down to visit, and I made her sit through my film festival (her favorite was my Carnegie Museum dinosaur film), and the torture didn’t stop there - oh, no. I had to show off some of my better photographs. For having been such a good sport, I thought we should take an evening stroll up to Highland Square, where we stopped in at Angel Falls Coffeehouse for refreshments.

On the way there we saw the weirdest big bug on the sidewalk - some sort of cicada-cockroach-ish creepy thing. And we saw a fairly large, pale blue egg on the ground, and DJ V asked me if it was real. Upon investigation, I proclaimed that it probably was a fake, as most real eggs to not come with a golden, braided, looped umbilical cord attached to the top.

I must say, few things in life compare with a summer twilight walk amidst the magical twinkling of fireflies, with your arm around someone you are ridiculously fond of.

Following that came MyOwnPersonalParadigmShift - but I can’t tell you about that, or I’d have to kill you.

And, by the way, fireflies DO smell great. No matter that no one believes me. I know it is true. Really.

Don’t Mess With Muffy

If it comes outta Florida, you clever FaithfulReaders will immediately realize ithis is a story about BURMESE PYTHONS! Yippee!

At TWENTY TWO and ¼ feet in length (and weighing in at more than 300 pounds), Muffy, has taken the title of Largest Python On Display. Muffy has stolen the title from Lulu, currently residing at the Bronx Zoo. Lulu is a coquettish nienteen feet, 6 inches long.

Captain Bob of Everglades Day Safari bought Muffy two months ago for $3000. He says:

It’s educational for people to see just what can happen to a little pet snake. Anyone who buys a snake that can literally kill you should at least be an adult and know what they’re doing.

Hmm. Yeah. At LEAST be an adult and be aware that you are harboring a potential murderer in your home. Or, that said adult is just setting up an elaborate suicide plot, obviously for the insurance money...

The Saturday Habit Revisited

There is something to be said for working Saturday afternoons, when you get the chance to stroll outside with your pal, Beauregard Van Horne, and partake of the fabulous hotdogs from the SmokinHot HotdogGirl.

We have been visited by a run of very pleasant weather, a welcome change from last year, when I was forced to evacuate my apartment for what seemed like the entire summer.

I have also been blessed with Fizzy Brain, as if someone has poured a bottle of peroxide into my cranium. It is an affliction which causes me to be filled with creative energy and consumed with thoughts of projects… if only this could be bottled. Then marketed and sold. Then I’d be rich. But then I’d be a Fizzy Brain addict or something.

There is always a tradeoff…

Hair Club For Very Rich Men

It certainly was a look. And to either follicly challenged men, or to rabid art collectors, it might have been the deal of the century.

Seems one lucky person paid $10,800 (destroying the presale estimates of $4-6000) for their own fifteen minutes of fame by buying Andy Warhol’s silver hairpiece.

Of course, it was well worth the price because the circa 1980s wig came complete with three pieces of used toupee tape.

Weird Convergence Of The Day

Carl is a terrible name, unless you are a Rottweiler.

Well, No Wonder

You just never know what is going to happen when you spend the night with someone. Do they snore? Do they talk in their sleep or thrash about or get up a zillion times…ah, the DealBreaker possibilities are endless.

However, I am pleased to report, that DJ V has no observable bad habits, and wakes in a most pleasant mood.

And now I know why…

It seems that today is The Happiest Day Of The Year - at least according to a British researcher, Cliff Arnall.

He used a "simple equation" to reach his conclusion:

O + (N x S) + Cpm/T + He

(For the mathematically challenged, O stands for outdoor activities, N for nature, S for social interaction, Cpm for childhood summers and positive memories, T for temperature and He for holidays and looking forward to time off)

Offers Made And Accepted

So there I was, driving up to Cleveland to pick up DJ V when my phone rings. It is a number I did not
recognize, but for some reason, I decided to answer it. Turns out, it was my Regional Vice President, calling to offer me a job in Pittsburgh! A short conversation, but an exciting one - albeit tempered with concern regarding my current romantic situation.

Anyway, I fetched DJ V and we drove to Club Isabella. I had eaten there once before, about ten years ago, with ANOTHER DJ - an odd coincidence! This was the first time I had ever ridden with DJ V, and it was a glorious afternoon. The sun was shining, and DJ V was singing and I was smiling. A happy afternoon, indeed.

Even though it was rather humid out, DJ V indulged me and we ate outside, having the patio to ourselves as the other patrons were smarter and preferred air conditioning. I had the garlic tortellini with sausage, mushrooms and peas in aRomanoo cream sauce topped withAsiagoo and DJ V tried Levio's grilled cheese sandwich - a melted melange of Provolone, Cheddar, Swiss, and tomatoes.

When we returned to the parking garage, DJ V finally made good on her promise and rewarded me with a brief serenade of Wedding Bell Blues. It was worth waiting for, although I still want the full-on music video version...

We took the elevator down, and were surprised to see a bird also using the elevator. I tried to encourage him to fly and be free, even resorting to using a CD to scoop him up, but he made some very angry squawking noises, and so I let him be, riding up and down in the elevator all day.

Being a fine friend, DJ V made me an offer to stay at her house this evening, since it was supposed to be so dreadfully hot and humid - simply an offer of modern conveniences and nothing more.

And I fell for it.

How Many People Does It Take To Get To The Center Of A Quote?

This was the morning post from a blogging friend who wishes to remain in deep anonymity. (Whatever - I know!)

Therefore, I think that gives me license to reprint it here, in its entirety. I cracked up, because while reading the quote, I was thinking the EXACT same retort…

I'm writing to you from the comfort of my home as I have called in "sick." Some people have no problem doing this every week, but I feel like I'm eight years old and seconds away from being caught. I called in because I got up late because I stayed up too late because I knew I had to get up early. Huh? Right. Neurotic, table for one.

And this was on my daily quote thing:

Happy people treat others well. - Stephen C. Lundin, Harry Paul, & John Christensen

I'm sorry, all I can think is - it took three of you motherfuckers to come up with that?

Laughter In The Rain

Strolling along city roads with my baby, it starts to rain…

an afternoonwalk down to Tower City for lunch in a light Seattle-esque rain, sharing an umbrella…not bad at all.

DJ V lured me down this way with the promise of Starbuck’s, but when we arrived at Tower City, I saw the sign for the Hardrock Café. I had no idea that there was one in Cleveland, and so the lunch plans were made.

The service verges on non-existent, be forewarned. I had a barbequed burger and fries, which was filling and messy. We decided that one waiter was the guitarist from Aerosmith, whose name we were just not able to come up with, but we were pretty sure it was a guy named Joe. As for the waitress, we could totally picture her, outside of work in her full-on Bettie Page get-up. We both could envision her 50’s swingers apartment.
Good times.

I then had to get home, as Zeke NewBuffalo was going to drop by. We drank a lot of coffee, and talked without the pressure of time, for once, and ZNB indulged me by viewing my films. Her favorite was my French Experimental attempt. It was great fun, and I look forward to future visits.

Signs That This One Is A Keeper

So, we have entered that phase in our relationship where we are trading songs from our respective collections - a level of intimacy that may well be beyond most people's imagination.

It is clear what I am gaining in this affair - air conditioning and high speed internet at DJ V's workplace.

Sadly for her, however, her usual relationship bargain of expanding her clothing and shoe wardrobe is simply never going to happen. Thus, it is unclear what is in this for her...

At any rate, I called up DJ V and asked her if perchance she might have a copy of Soulful Strut. Before I could continue and tell her the artist, she said: Oh, Young Holt Unlimited. Sure!

Things that make you go hmmmmm...

Burma Shave for New Millennium?

I called DJ V to ask her if she had seen this crazy billboard on the highway as you leave Cleveland.

It says:

Clowns hate tangelos.

She said: Is it orange with white letters?

It was!

She had just passed one that said: I pooted on a different highway!

What is the meaning of this?

Well, I did a little research for you, FaithfulOnes...